The Power of Feeling Seen: A Review of Validation
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One of my favorite questions to ask—whether I’m in the classroom, leading a workshop, or chatting with friends and family—is:
“Do you consider yourself a good communicator?”
Most people say yes. They point to their ability to respond to texts promptly, retell stories with impressive accuracy, or their general self-awareness around how they engage with others. And to be fair, those are all signs that someone is making an effort to communicate well.
But here’s where it gets interesting: there's a difference between being a productive communicator and a mindful one. It’s one thing to exchange information clearly; it’s another to communicate with intention, presence, and empathy.
Like many folks in the field of Communication Studies—and probably a few in psychology, leadership, and education—I’m a bit of a fangirl when it comes to mindful communication. I love reading about it, writing about it, practicing it, and, more than anything, talking about its real-world impact. So when someone recommended Dr. Caroline Fleck’s book, Validation, with the note, “You’ll love this—it’s right up your alley,” I knew I had to dive in.
And they were absolutely right.
What Did I Learn?
What makes validation such a powerful tool—distinct from other common communication strategies like praise or problem-solving—is its ability to shift the entire dynamic of an interaction in a meaningful and positive way. As Dr. Caroline Fleck thoughtfully explains, praise is a form of judgment (“I like how you did that”), while validation is rooted in acceptance (“I see and accept your experience”). Similarly, while problem-solving jumps to offer fixes, validation takes a step back to honor what someone is feeling in the moment—without needing to change or correct it.
This distinction may sound simple, even obvious. But in practice, the impact of validation—especially during difficult conversations, emotionally charged moments, or even the chaos of a toddler’s meltdown—can be profound. It has the power to de-escalate tension, deepen trust, and create space for genuine connection.
Dr. Fleck outlines eight specific skills of validation, offering readers a practical and insightful roadmap for how to apply these tools across all areas of life—at work, at home, and in our everyday interactions. Her guidance not only makes the concept accessible, but also inspires us to see validation as a learned and practiced skill—one that can transform the way we relate to others.
The Communication Impact: Why This Matters
Validation acts as a powerful link between acceptance and meaningful change. When we take the time to recognize and reflect another person’s experience, we lay the groundwork for trust, empathy, and deeper connection. This simple yet transformative act can have far-reaching effects, including:
Stronger Relationships – Deepening bonds by making others feel truly heard and understood.
More Effective Conflict Management – Reducing defensiveness and tension by acknowledging emotions.
Greater Impact and Influence – Establishing trust and credibility through genuine connection.
Personal Growth Through Self-Validation – Turning the practice inward to foster resilience and self-awareness.
As Dr. Fleck wisely points out, validation isn’t about agreement—it’s about acknowledging that someone’s feelings and perspective are real and meaningful to them. This subtle shift in how we listen and respond can completely change the tone and outcome of our conversations—for the better.
At its core, Validation is a reminder that communication isn’t just about what we say—it’s about how we make others feel. Practicing validation doesn’t require perfection, just presence. And in a world full of noise, the choice to listen with empathy might just be one of the most powerful tools we have.
With Joy,
Emily
